| So I've been traveling a lot for work lately, as many of you might
have noticed from some of my other blogs. This week I happen to be
somewhere in Maryland (Frederick to be more exact). Maryland has a lot
of facilities for various government agencies. I've spent a few days in
Maryland interviewing with one such agency that in reality isn't
supposed to exist. I digress.
While going down to eat breakfast this morning at my hotel, I
noticed that the guy in the elevator was wearing a Customs and Border
Patrol jacket. He seemed like a pretty normal looking guy to me. Then,
I got into the lobby and saw more people in these outfits. I thought
this was odd, but it wasn't until I turned the corner into the
breakfast area and saw a whole army of Customs and Border Patrol
trainees that I was really surprised.
While sitting and enjoying my very plain bagel and tiny Yoplait, a
little something dawned on me. These individuals are supposed to be
patrolling our borders, protecting the homeland, and making sure that
people don’t bring fruit here from other countries. Now, to me, this is
a job that should demand some bare minimum level of physical fitness. I
know that I don’t expect these individuals to be running down illegal
immigrants trying to cross into our country from Mexico, and I know
that they’re not all going to be gunning down Guatemalan banana
smugglers. However, I really don’t find anything frightening,
worrisome, or even concern-provoking about a fat lady wearing a Customs
and Border Patrol outfit.
When you look at a police officer, or a patrolman, to pardon
the vernacular, it usually inspires some level of confidence. You don’t
look at that individual and instinctively think “OK, I can take him.”
You probably look right at his or her gun and go, “Man, I don’t want to
get tasered.” However, when I look at a fat Customs and Border Patrol
agent, I think, “Man, there is nothing secure about our homeland.”
It’s bad enough that most other countries think that Americans are
all fat, dumb and lazy. But to now be putting out fat, dumb and lazy
Customs and Border Patrol agents in positions of visitors’ (or
“invaders’”, depending on your point of view) first experience with
this country… I don’t think we’re helping the viewpoint any.
I don’t know about you, but if every time I tried to smuggle
persimmons into this country, or tried to run across the border naked
in the middle of the night, if all I ran into were motherfuckers like this, I would definitely put down the motherfucking fruit!
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